Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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