I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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