i just google imaged poop.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
