the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
