I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
