If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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