He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
porn star boner night. come get it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
