I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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