too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
