The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Randomize
