My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
