So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
