Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
