I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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