That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
