I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
