he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
