take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
