Someone shit on the floor
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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