Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
