i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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