it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
