i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I lost the right to judge tonight
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
