Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
