Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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