I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Boobs are out for the taking
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
