I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he shaved USA in his pubs
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
