sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
