capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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