so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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