And the cops told us we were all naked.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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