that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
