Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sext me about skeletons
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
