I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
