I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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