...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
