Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
