Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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