I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I love you.
Bad choice
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
