I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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