god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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