that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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