So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
