I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
