the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
