Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
