just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
