Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
