So gin and wine won't be happening again
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
