she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm always down for nudity.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
