i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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